Fix
your relationship before it breaks down any more, or breaks up completely! The Relationship
Success Manual: Step-by-Step from This is the actual Manual that we use in our clinical work at the Fountain Hill Center when we are working with couples that have come to us for Marriage Counseling. Developed and used by 3 professionally educated, trained, and experienced counselors who work day in, and day out with real people that are struggling with real issues. “I don’t know… the two of us have some really serious problems… do you really think this will help?” A great question. We love your questions… so we will answer some of the most common ones as we move along. Here are some of the facts about the people who have worked with us and used The Relationship Success Manual:
Frankly, the list could be so long we would either bore you… or amaze you! 
Greetings… I’m Dr. Andrew D. Atwood and of the dozen or more clinical staff at the Fountain Hill Center, we three are the ones who have developed The Relationship Success Manual. Of course, if you wish, you can learn more about the Center, and all of us, by going to www.fountainhillcenter.com. Let’s get right into this, shall we? I want to introduce you to The Manual a little so that you can see why it is such a critically important tool for the work that we do with couples that are working with us to improve their relationship. After 7 pages of introductory material and an overview of the three phases of therapy with us… You will first learn about the “6 Fatal Errors that Inevitably Lead to Divorce.” This stuff isn’t just our opinion about what doesn’t work in relationships… this all comes from decades of clinical research by some of the most gifted minds in the field. In The Manual we will direct you to the original sources for a deeper understanding of the research behind the claims we make. No, this isn’t just someone’s idea about what actually leads to divorce. These 6 Fatal Errors have been discovered from decades of rigorous research into the lives of hundreds of couples. The researchers discovered the facts about what leads to divorce, and they can predict with 92% accuracy what those fatal behaviors are. No need to bore you with all the facts at this point… we are going to ask you to trust us for now… and the guarantee we offer. More about our 100% guarantee in a moment. What we know with confidence, based on research and our own clinical experience, is that if you do make these 6 Fatal Errors, you will end up divorced. Obviously, we are going to coach you (through our manual, in our office, over the telephone, or online) to STOP DOING THESE 6 FATAL ERRORS! And you will also learn about the “7 Sustainers of a Successful Marriage.” From the same research, and with tons of support from our thousands of hours working with couples, we are now confident when we teach couples the 7 Sustainers of Successful Marriage. That’s right. Couples that have integrated these 7 specific habits into their relationship do well. This is a fact. These are the couples who “live happily ever after.” This stuff isn’t rocket science… it is real and concrete. Do these 7 Sustainers of Successful Marriages, and you will be attractive to each other in ways that will make for a happy marriage. There is a lot more, a whole lot more… The Relationship Success Manual: Step-by-Step from Stalemates to Soulmates… is actually over 150 pages (more pages are added regularly…) long at this point. So far I’ve only told you about what is in the first 60 or so pages. Let me stop for now and tell you about our Guarantee. If, for any reason whatsoever, at any time in the future, you are unhappy with The Relationship Success Manual that we have developed… we will refund 100% of the purchase price to you without question. I’ve been intrigued by a new sales strategy that is used by a chain of bookstores that I’ve seen in airports as I have traveled. I can’t remember the chain, or I would justly give them credit! “By the book, read it, return it on your next trip and get 50% back on the purchase price.” We are giving you something better than that; you have a 100% money back guarantee. If you every want a refund, ask and you will be refunded the entire purchase price. No questions asked! Why do we offer such a strong promise? Because we know there is a ton a solid and practical advice packed into The Relationship Success Manual and once you start to read it you will discover the usefulness of everything we've written. We are after permanent and positive changes in the way you relate with each other! I know you want your relationship to be better than it is right now. So many people come in and share with us how much they would love to feel again what they felt for each other in the beginning of their relationship. And we know how earnestly people work at fixing their relationship. Oh, most couples let things slide along, figuring that things will change in time. Sometimes they do change for the better, but more often than not, they get worse. You've probably attempted to fix your relationship with more than one of these 10 useless, if not outright destructive "solutions." Take a look.
2. You have tried to control each other with threats. You have threatened your partner, or your partner has threatened you, or you have threatened each other, and the sole result is increased defensiveness and anger. 3. Maybe you have actually gotten to the point where you have threatened to leave as a way of saying "You better change... or else!" 4. You have given each other the silent treatment as a way of saying "I'm not going to talk at all if you keep behaving like that." 5. You have tried to persuade your partner to be a better partner, but your "persuasion" has deteriorated into shouting matches that have made the problem worse. 6. You have cut each other off from sex as a way of saying "Hey, I'm not going to give to you if you aren't going to give to me." 7. You have turned your attention to other things like the kids, work, hobbies, church, and extended family... all because your marriage isn't satisfying enough. 8. You have purchased self help books, watched and listened to advice from Oprah, talked to your friends and sought their advice, and maybe you have even talked with your spiritual leader in hopes of finding a way out of your turmoil. 9. You have gone to counseling with someone you found in the phone book, or with a counselor recommended by your insurance company, or by your friends or family, but your remain stuck. 10. You have left your relationship... maybe by having an affair, moved to another bedroom or to the couch, or maybe you have even left home and separated for a time. If you have tried one or more of these 10 useless, if not outright destructive "solutions" then it is about time to try something else. If what you are doing isn't working, then try something else! Will it be easy? Truth be told, there are specific small gains that you can begin to make immediately. It will take some work and some time to deeply ingrain new patterns of behavior between the two of you, but it can definitely happen. What you are fighting against is not your partner, but the deeply ingrained patterns of acting, thinking and feeling in which you are both stuck. How many times have we told people, "It isn't the people that you are that is the problem, it is the patterns that are the problems." Healthy people replace old and ineffective patterns with new and more effective patterns, and we can coach you in how to do that, even if your partner doesn't yet want to cooperate with you! Incredible as it may sound, we know that you can powerfully influence the way the two of you interact. Yes, one person can change a relationship. Regularly someone calls for an appointment and asks, "Will coming for counseling help even if my husband (or wife) isn't willing to come in?" The answer is, YES. We will show you how to powerfully influence your spouse, and your relationship, by changing the way you act, think, and feel. "Oh," you say, "My partner will never change. So how can this help us?" You could be right. 30 years ago when I started in this business of working with couples, we thought personalities could change. Today, after years of research, we know that basic personality structure remains stable throughout a lifetime. There are, of course, those sudden spiritual experiences where someone sees the light, but they are rather rare. Basically, you are who you are, and your partner is who he or she is. But, you both can become more mature! That's what we are after. We want to help the two of you to become more versions of who you really are. And, if you alone become more mature, that will assuredly influence your partner’s behavior in positive ways. One person can change the patterns! That's why we are helping you to move "Step-by-Step, from Stalemates to Soulmates." When you are "Stalemates" you are stuck. You have tried one or more of the 10 useless, if not outright destructive "solutions," and you remain mired down in the muck of a messed up marriage. STUCK SUCKS the life right out of you. We see it every day. You try to change your partner; your partner tries to change you. You try to prevent your partner from changing you; your partner tries to prevent you from changing him or her. "Stalemates" is what we call folks like that. But Soulmates enjoy a deep understanding and acceptance of each other. They have figured out how to work together. Soulmates can be themselves with each other without getting stuck in "Control Dramas." Soulmates actually enjoy each other! Aren’t you wishing you could be Soulmates… or at least move Step-by-Step closer to being real Soulmates? It’s a lofty goal… but why not shoot for the moon! Let me bring you some of the meat of The Relationship Success Manual. We have assembled 8 Critical Handouts on 8 Critical Notions of Deep Change. Here they each are, with a little comment about each of the 8. Handout 18 – Dr. Atwood’s Spiritual Encouragement We lead off with a Handout that I have written about “spiritual encouragement.” While we are all people who have our own religious affiliations, our own spiritual journeys, we are also counselors with a deep, deep appreciation for the work of the spirit in all of life. My handout is directly aimed at encouraging you each to honor the Divine within and between the two of you. This honoring will impact your honoring of each other. Handout 19 – Dr. Atkinson’s 12-Step SEQUENCE for Managing Conflict Dr. Atkinson has put together an incredible tool, the “12-Step SEQUENCE.” What a gift this simple Handout will be for the two of you. So many books and authorities on marriage counseling encourage couples not to fight. Dr. Atkinson’s defines the precise place for appropriate anger. Follow this model, and when the third strike is called, anger is appropriate. Handout 20 – Dr. Glasser’s Control Theory The Godfather of Reality Therapy and educational theory and practice that emphases “Being in Effective Self-Control,” Dr. Glasser has always offered time tested and soundly research advice on how to manage your own self so that you are in effective control of your own self. Handout 21 – Dr. Schnarch’s Passionate Marriage David Schnarch is a favorite of ours. No one has impacted the practice of marriage and family therapy more during the last 10 years than Dr. Schnarch. He is the one who offers practical advice on how to “hold your own hand” and “be your real self, with others.” We use his theory and practice daily in our clinical work. Handout 22 – Dr. DeVoogd’s Familiar Position Dr. Albert DeVoogd was a master therapist, a Diplomat in the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and my clinical supervisor for 10 years. He and I debated often about the presence of a “familiar position” within everyone. You will know your familiar position as that “predictable negative feeling you have about yourself under similarly interpreted situations.” When your familiar position is hooked, you are miserable and you behave miserably. Same is true for your partner. Understanding and unhooking from your familiar position is critical to happiness. Handout 23 – Dr. Seligman on Happiness, Optimism, and Pessimism The “Grandfather of the Positive Psychology movement” is what TIME Magazine called Dr. Seligman in 2005. I’m a huge fan of Positive Psychology. You can even download my “Positive Psychology Primer” right from our catalogue. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, let’s focus on building strengths! The Relationship Success Manual is focused on STRENGTHS! Handout 24 – Dr. Gottman’s Research in Summary The 6 Fatal Errors, and the 7 Sustainers of Success all come from the immensely significant research that Dr. Gottman has done over the last couple of decades. We want you to understand his findings, and how fundamentally important they are. If you are smart about successful marriages, you will surely have a better chance of having one. Handout 25 – Dr. Keen's "Passionate Life" As we grow we move from having the consciousness of a dependent Child, to a counterdependent Rebel, to a co-dependent Adult, to an independent Outlaw, to an interdependent Lover. Sometimes we marry each other at one stage, and then one of us grows up, or down, and we are out of sync. Handout 26 – Inventory of What Works for the Two of You Finally, in this the 26th of 58 Handouts, you will be given an opportunity to look at everything you have lea6rned so far, and then to identify the good that is working for you in your relationship. You are going to do less of what doesn’t work, and more of what actually DOES WORK in a happy marriage! Once you get through this, the First Phase of Change, you will be ready to tackle the Second Phase. In the Second Phase you will build 10 Healthy Habits! Handout 28– Healthy Habit #1 – More Understanding and Acceptance Handout 29 - Healthy Habit #2 – Stand Up for Yourself Handout 30 - Healthy Habit #3 – Positive Intent Handout 31 - Healthy Habit #4 – Equal Respect Handout 32 - Healthy Habit #5 – Concern and Commitment Handout 33 - Healthy Habit #6 – Explaining Yourself Handout 34 - Healthy Habit #7 – Curiosity about your Partner Handout 35 - Healthy Habit #8 – More Optimism Handout 36 - Healthy Habit #9 – Meaningful Activities Handout 37 - Healthy Habit #10 – Make Bids for Connection Think of what will happen to the two of you as soon as you start to practice these 10 Healthy Habits! If your doubt and cynicism is creeping in, learn from it. Sure there will be work. Sure you will struggle some. Sure you will have to change yourself. Sure you will have to break old habits. But why would you not? Really. Think about it. Everything in life that is really worth having is worth working for. We are going to work with you, through The Relationship Success Manual, though coaching over the phone or online, or in our office face-to-face to help you to mature into the best person you can be. That is what the journey of life is all about, and we have The Manual, the Map that will help you to be successful in your journey toward relationship maturity. "Because it will take work, and things might not be any different in the end." Look, we are giving you a 100% Money Back Guarantee, so we have taken all of the financial risk right away. But, we cannot take away the anxiety you feel in the present about the problems you will face in the future if your marriage goes down the tubes. What we can do is give you the best shot at being the most mature partner you can possibly be. Get there, and you win no matter what the outcome! If you work with us in the office you will most likely be paying out of pocket according to our latest sliding scale. Fees will likely range somewhere between $50 and $120 an hour depending on your income and the specific clinical staff person with which you work. The Relationship Success Manual can be purchased in downloadable format for $37.99 USD, or you can purchase a spiral bound printed copy for $57.99 USD to cover printing, handling, and postage. (If you are ordering from overseas, the prices for the spiral bound copy goes up to $67.99 USD) The price of The Relationship Change Manual is way less than you will pay for the average 50 minute appointment with us in the office. That is self-evident. If you are working with one of the clinical staff at the Fountain Hill Center then you can pick up a copy of The Manual at the Front Desk for a reduced price as part of your work with us. If you can’t get to our office (which includes everyone in the entire world, other than those who live within an hour’s drive of Grand Rapids, Michigan) then you might want to consider signing up for the coaching we offer over the telephone, or online. Jennifer is available for free 15 minute consultations according to specifically scheduled times. If, after the two of you meet and talk for a bit, it seems smart for you to continue in a coaching relationship, then there is a simple sign-up procedure that will make that happen. You can learn more about how to sign up for coaching at the end of this letter. Coaching isn’t therapy, although it can be very therapeutic. Sometimes it can be enormously helpful to talk with, email, or instant message a trained professional..
She is sensitive, smart, and really good at what she does. Consider the free 15-minute consultation as a way to go if you can’t get to our office.
Brian is thoroughly dedicated to both research and practice in the special field of Marriage and Family Therapy. He is smart, educated, and well trained. He, too, is available for a free 15 minute consultation. Part of what you will be doing in the Second Phase of The Manual is working your Action Plan, whether you are in a coaching relationship, in counseling, or going it alone. Take a look at the list of Actions that follow. Each of these has its own Worksheet to help you along. This really is a Step-by-Step Manual for creating a Successful Relationship. Handout 43 – Action 1 – Your Developmental Plan Handout 44 – Action 2 – Making a Commitment Handout 45 – Action 3 – Working and Measuring Your Plan Handout 46 – Action 4 – Identifying both of Your Familiar Positions Handout 47 – Action 5 – Unhooking from Your Familiar Position Handout 48 - Action 6 – Unraveling the Complimentarity of Your Familiar Positions Handout 49 - Action 7 – The Best Way to manage Conflict In the Third Phase you will be Sustaining the Success you Worked to Create! Handout 51 – Sustaining Tool #1 – 5 to 1 Ratio Handout 52 - Sustaining Tool #2 – Adhere to 5 Big Shifts Handout 53 - Sustaining Tool #3 – Integrate 10 Healthy Habits Handout 54 - Sustaining Tool #4 – Practice the 7 Actions Handout 55 - Sustaining Tool #5 – Control Your Familiar Position Handout 56 - Sustaining Tool #6 – Practice Managing Conflict Handout 57 - Sustaining Tool #7 – Sharing Your Story So let’s review…. When you purchase The Relationship Success Manual you will receive: Remember, this is exactly the same Manual that we use with our clients in counseling at the Fountain Hill Center. You can purchase The Relationship Success Manual: Step-by-Step from Stalemates to Soulmates, by clicking the appropriate purchase buttons below. Instantly, you will be taken to our secure servers where you will place your order following a rather standard process for secure online purchases.
If you are interested in telephone or online coaching, please CLICK HERE to learn more, and to sign up. (Coming Soon - Subscribe to our Free EReports for notification of when our coaching is available.) One other very important tip I want to give you: Make sure you sign up below for the FREE eReports that we put out each week. This is another absolutely secure process that will require you to “double-opt-in” to avoid spamming. Each week, more-or-less, you will receive a very brief email from “Dr. Atwood’s Hopeful Solutions.” In the email there will be a brief description of the 1, 2, or 3 topics for which an article has been written. There will also be a link in the email that will take you to Dr. Atwood’s Blog where the articles will appear, and where you can add your comments. This is a great way to get lots of FREE information. One article will be different from the next, and because so many, many topics are covered, the information in any one article, or Blog, may not pertain to you. But then, when you least expect it, exactly the right message will arrive at exactly the right time. So sign up below. You can UNSUBSCRIBE at the bottom of any, and every email; so don’t worry about getting stuck forever with emails from us!
That’s about it for now. A marriage is the greatest classroom there is for learning the lessons one has to learn to be a grown-up. That’s what I believe, and that’s why we are working tirelessly to help those who want to help themselves. The Manual, the advice contained in it, the Guarantee, the FREE eReports in our Blog… it can all be yours. Sign up today and do something positive and practical before the day is out to fix your marriage!
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When a new client comes to us for marriage counseling we have
them pick up one of our manuals at the front desk, or, if they
arrive as a couple then we have them pick up two copies, one
for each of them.
Jennifer is a graduate of Western Michigan University with a degree in
Community Counseling, and a specialty in working with The Relationship
Success Manual.
Brian is a graduate of Western Michigan University, and is currently
in the Ph.D. program in Marriage and Family Therapy at Michigan
State University. Brian is on the Clinical Staff at the Fountain
Hill Center.
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