From: The Office of Dr. Andrew D. Atwood, Marriage and Family Therapist
Re: Which of the “4 Types of People” are each of you?
Date:

Greetings . . . and Welcome!

How often have you wondered . . .

• What will it take to change my husband?
• What will it take to change my wife?

Typically, we all have those moments when we wish our partner would behave differently.

• We want more cooperation and less conflict.
• We want the dishes picked up in the kitchen.
• We want something done about our sexless marriage.
• We want more intimate conversation.
• We want less verbal abuse.

The list could be pretty long at times.

Our first impulse when we are frustrated in our marriage is to blame our partner. Our second impulse is to try to change our partner.

Attitudes and Actions Can Change.
Personality Does Not Change.

Those of us who have been in the field of Marriage and Family Therapy for a long time remember the influence Clinical Psychology had on the counseling profession for many years. We thought people could change their personality, and we worked pretty hard to help them to “improve” their personality.

Today we know from experience and research what common sense should have told us from the outset.

You can’t change someone’s basic personality.

What you can change are Attitudes and Actions because they are volitional. That is, there are choices involved in the Attitudes we have, and the Actions we take.

We get to choose the thoughts behind our attitudes, and the reasoning behind our actions.

But what we just can’t change is your personality, or your partner’s.

“So,” you are wondering, “what am I supposed to do?
Just live with it?”

That would be a really unenlightened way to live together, wouldn’t it. Way too passive and dependent. Way too helpless.

Understand yourself!
Understand your partner!
And work well together being the people you really are!

There are 4 Types of People.

I have used the work of Myers and Briggs for 29 years and have created “Tailored Tools and Advice” for the four major types of people we are.

What you can do is learn to understand and work with the basic personality types that you both are.

If you are a Ready Adventurer, you will probably always be a Ready Adventurer.

Same is true for the other 3 types. If you entered this world as a Loyal Caretaker, or as an Authentic Idealist, or as a Careful Thinker, well, that is who you are and that is in all probability who you are going to be as long as you live.

So if your partner is trying to change your personality, it probably won’t work.

And if you are trying to change your partner’s personality, that probably won’t work either.

What will work is this . . .

• You can learn about who you each are.
• You can come to understand who you each are.
• You can appreciate each other for who you really are.
• You can focus on the positives.
• You can get beyond the negatives.

Stephen Covey in his classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, identifies habit #5 as, “It’s more important to understand than it is to be understood.” What terrific wisdom! No wonder he has sold over 15 million copies. I have been teaching the 7 Habits to corporate and therapy clients since 1992 with great success.

The work of Myers and Briggs, the 4 Types of People, can help you to understand with ease.

With ease!

Now what I have done is created 4+1 eCourses that can be used to increase your understanding.

I have titled them simply “How To Know Who You Are, and Be Who You Are.” Pretty straightforward, huh? It took me a whole summer, working evenings and weekends, to pull this material together from a number of books and articles, but the effort has been well worth it.

Without further adieu, let me show you the Table of Contents for each of the 4+1 eCourses.

How To Know Who You Are,
And Be Who You Are.
An eCourse by Dr. Andrew D. Atwood
Table of Contents

PART ONE-COURSE CONTENTS

SECTIONS
1. Welcome
2. Benefits of taking this course
3. Introduction
4. Some real limitations
5. Data that will Inform You

PART TWO-COURSE CONTENTS

SECTIONS
6. Analysis that will bring you Clarification
           STEP 1. Mining the FACTS
                     8 Tasks
           STEP 2. Listening to your HEART
                     3 Tasks
           STEP 3. Checking what actually WORKS
                     4 Tasks
           STEP 4. Examining what is RIGHT
                     5 Tasks

PART THREE-COURSE CONTENTS

SECTIONS
7. Actions that will Transform You
           STEP 5: Sharing your identity with yourself, and with your lover
                     Skill 1: Self-awareness - 4 Tasks
                     Skill 2: Self-disclosure - 4 Tasks
                     Skill 3: Listening to another - 4 Tasks
                     Skill 4: Accepting another - 4 Tasks
           STEP 6: Contracting with each other for your emotional needs
                     Skill 5: Bringing your needs to others - 4 Tasks
                     Skill 6: Making commitments to others - 4 Tasks

                   STEP 7: Creative and collaborative teamwork
                            Skill 7: Managing your own self alone - 4Tasks
                            Skill 8: Managing closeness with others - 4 Tasks

8. Review
9. Next Steps
10. Further Resources

There you have it. You will note that I have included 7 Steps, 8 Skills and a whole lot of Tasks. 52 Tasks to be exact.

What is this “4+1” stuff all about?

Excellent question.

I have 1 eCourse for each of the 4 Types of People, and then I have combined all 4 into one larger eCourse, what I call the “All-In-One eCoure for All 4 Types.”

• The eCourse for the Ready Adventurer is 52 pages long.
• The eCourse for the Loyal Caretaker is 49 pages long.
• The eCourse for the Authentic Idealist is 49 pages long.
• And the eCourse for the Careful Thinker is 48 pages long.
• Finally, the “All-In-One eCourse for All 4 Types” is 62 pages long.

“How do I know which Tailored eCourse
is right for me?”

Yet another excellent question.

There is one step you can take to narrow your choice.

Remember, you are doing all of this because of one very important reason.

“The odds for effective change increase dramatically once you understand which of the 4 Types of People you are, and which is your partner!”

Oh, yes. Two other kind of cool things I have included in each eCourse are questionnaires. The first questionnaire will help you to define 50 of your preferred ways of being in the world. The second questionnaire will help you to define 40 of your preferred ways of relating with your partner.

Complete them both and you will have a great deal of clarity about who you are, and how to be who you are.

Better yet, share your scores with you partner, and your partner will know more about who you are, and how you are trying to live in the world.

“What if we are different from each other?
What if we are different types of people?”

That is such a good question that I have, in fact, made it the No. 1 FAQ, an answer to which you can link to on our HOMEpage. There are a couple of ways of approaching “compatibility” and “complementarity” and how we come to integrate the “shadow side of our personality.” But you can go to FAQ No.1 and find that information for yourself.

My recommendation?
Purchase the “All-In-One eCourse for All 4 Types”

Here are 3 compelling reasons why I think you should do so.

Compelling Reason #1
Part of understanding yourself really well is to understand not just who you prefer to be, but who you prefer to NOT be. I am an Authentic Idealist. The descriptions for an Authentic Idealist fit me exactly. While I may have a little of the other types, my clear and strongest preference is to be an Authentic Idealist. When I get on my Honda Shadow and escape for hours, or days, I am into my Ready Adventurer! When I am crafting an eCourse or an eBook, I am more like a Careful Thinker. When it came time for both of our kids to get married within a year, you better believe I was a Loyal Caretaker. But in my soul, I am an Authentic Idealist.

Compelling Reason #2
Once you understand all 4 Types of People you can make sense of your partner, your parents, your friends, co-workers, neighbors . . . even the President of the United States, who seems to be a mix between a Loyal Caretaker and a Ready Adventurer. The world of people can make so much more sense if you have a little model like the 4 Types of People.

Compelling Reason #3
It is more economical to purchase the “All-In-One eCourse for All 4 Types of People” than to purchase them separately. You can have the “All-In-One” eCourse for the price of 2 of the single type eCourses.

So there you have it.

But remember, you won’t get any more out of these eCourses than you put into them.

You will have to . . .

• Answer Questionnaires
• Journal your personal answers to a lot of questions
• Consider carefully the Steps, Skills, and Task I offer you
• Risk sharing yourself with your partner
• And practice, practice, practice.

Let me give you one more piece of advice.

If your partner isn’t into this sort of touchy-feely self-help stuff, you can break the ice by completing the “All-In-One eCourse for All 4 Types” and then asking your partner to “take a look.” You can say something like this: “Honey, I’ve just completed this little eCourse I go off the internet. It’s called How To Know Who You Are, And Be Who You Are. The guy that wrote this eCourse says there are 4 Types of People and guess what, I am clearly one of those types. Look at this, will ya? Which type would you guess I am . . .?

The most fascinating discussion can ensue.
Believe me.

Now it is time to tell you how to purchase each of the 4+1 eCourses. Of the 5 “Purchase Buttons” choose the PURCHASE BUTTON OF YOUR CHOICE and you will be taken to a page set up by ClickBank. They handle all our credit-card transactions simply, safely, and securely. Just follow their instructions and you will be able to download the eCourse you ordered in minutes. Pretty simple.

If you have any problems with the download, you can email webmaster@you-can-save-your-marriage.com and you will receive prompt help.

So here we go!

You can purchase How To Know Who You Are, And Be Who You Are, the 52 page eCourse for the READY ADVENTURER, by clicking on the purchase button below.

You can purchase How To Know Who You Are, And Be Who You Are, the 49 page eCourse for the LOYAL CARETAKER, by clicking on the purchase button below.

You can purchase How To Know Who You Are, And Be Who You Are, the 49 page eCourse for the AUTHENTIC IDEALIST, by clicking on the purchase button below.

You can purchase How To Know Who You Are, And Be Who You Are, the 48 page eCourse for the CAREFUL THINKER, by clicking on the purchase button below.

You can purchase OUR BEST OFFER, How To Know Who You Are, And Be Who You Are, the 62 page “All-In-One eCourse for All 4 Types of People” by clicking on the purchase button below.

“The odds for effective change increase dramatically once you understand which of the 4 Types of People you are, and which is your partner!”

And, of course, if you are struggling along the way you can always email me with your questions.

I wish you and your partner all the best!

Sincerely yours,

Dr. Andrew D. Atwood
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Certified Social Worker
Clinical Member, American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

Don’t Forget!

• Change happens through an ordered process and my eBook, You Can Save Your Marriage, will walk you through the process of change.
• We have “Tailored Tools and Advice” for all 4 Types of People.
• More resources are constantly under development.
• You can maintain your new life with the help of our FREE bi-Monthly eNewsletter.

“I believe that we have floundered in the struggle to save marriages because we haven’t understood that the struggle, done well, leads to profound personal and interpersonal maturity, and so, is entirely worthwhile.”

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